Controlling Lust: A Declaration of Sexual Independence from Women (part 4)

[This is the last installment of a four-part series on how men can avoid being slaves to female sexuality. Please click on the link for part 1, part 2, or part 3 to read the previous installments.]


So far, we have covered techniques for controlling lust which deal with the object of desire. We learned how we, as men, can keep ourselves from throwing more gasoline on the flame of passion. With the following strategies, we can control the general feelings of sexual arousal that may come on us suddenly and unexpectedly. Remember, we want to attack lust on both fronts. In addition to stopping ourselves from throwing gasoline on the fire, we want to put the fire itself out.

Conquer Fear

If a man wants to control his sexuality, the primary obstacle he must overcome is fear. Perish the thought that you cannot control yourself! Don’t think that God gives you desires against your will. Forget the idea you will inevitably harm yourself if you don’t relieve your sexual tension. All these notions are false! When you are aroused, you should remind yourself that the arousal will eventually subside. If you persist, you can gain the ability to shut off your arousal at will.

Also, stop listening to people around you that say you are missing out on life if you don’t get lucky in love. Don’t listen to people who think your manhood depends on scoring with women. These people cannot discern the difference between bravery and stupidity. These people may talk a good talk about “being a man” and “taking risks” but these are the same ones that get skewered alive in the end. In actuality, they are often afraid of being alone and end up jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Keep these people from driving you insane: take the steering wheel away from them.

Channeling the Tension

How can you, as a man, regain control of yourself if you find that you are sexually aroused? Simple. Close your eyes, clear your mind of troublesome thoughts, and take several deep breaths. Imagine the sexual tension moving away from your reproductive organs and the power of the tension dissipating throughout the rest of your body. If thinking about this draws your mind back towards sex, however, then just focus on closing your eyes and breathing deeply. Assure yourself that you are the master of your body. After all, you are a man with free will, not a male bovine. As the physical tension subsides, you may notice that you feel more energized. However, it may be just as likely that you will feel totally relaxed with your mind uncluttered by sexual desires. It can indeed be exhilirating as you realize that you are no longer a pawn of female sexuality.

Get Out of Bed

You will find that there are certain circumstances that leave you vulnerable to feelings of arousal. Make it easy on yourself by avoiding these circumstances if possible. For instance, you may find that you are often aroused while lying in bed. Perhaps in such a moment of idleness, thoughts of sex come too easily to you. Get out of bed, channel the tension until it subsides, and only return to bed when you are tired enough to fall asleep.

More generally, make sure to preoccupy yourself with your responsibilities and things that you like to do. Never allow yourself to get bored. You owe it to yourself to live a proactive and productive life.

Get Mad

In addition to the above techniques, it is helpful to think about the costs of giving in to your desires. Think about the shame, sadness, and sense of disappointment you will feel if you turn your back on your goal for self-control. You should see any unwanted arousal on your part as not as a nice feeling, but as a competitor or even an adversary. It is an impediment to your goal for greater male self-esteem and for a greater sense of dignity. Use your indignation at being a slave of female sexuality to give you focus and power in this matter.


As we can see, by dealing with the object of desire and with the general feeling of arousal, you, as a man, can control your lust. From time to time, sexual arousal may be a minor nuisance, but ideally it will not overcome you as it has probably often done in the past. You will feel no compelling necessity to invest time or money for female companionship unless it benefits you in some meaningful fashion. You can take or leave women, and you just might decide to leave them.

As you practice self-control, remember the old adage: “If at first you don’t succed, try, try again.” Also, remember that when you give in to your desires, you are still making a choice. The choice can be an informed one or it can be based on delusional thinking. It’s up to you.

How will others react to this plan for controlling lust? Who cares. Social conservatives have browbeaten us men for so long, demanding that we be chaste and self-controlled. Social liberals plaintively demand that we stop sexually objectifying women and/or stop basing our manhood on sexual conquest. Perhaps, it is time to give these people and so many others a taste of their own medicine. Men do not necessarily have to rely on the help of other people to achieve their goal of sexual self-control. Men do not even have to be religious to understand the value of learning continence. Rather than being beggars whining for a scrap of bread, men can control their hunger and therefore set terms for when they want to eat. Indeed, when it comes to sexual self-control, men can turn their back on the overpriced delicacies that society shoves in their face and go their own way.

12 Responses to “Controlling Lust: A Declaration of Sexual Independence from Women (part 4)”

  1. 1 Sam
    October 20, 2005 at 4:18 am

    I am going to read your articles carefully. However, even before that I already feel that you are getting to the hart of the matter. The title alone indicates that. For me sex and lust are entirely negative phenomena. They are the compulsions that lead a man into the most desperate situations. The point for me is that lust is a state of permanent dissatisfaction. When we are young may be we feel there is a solution and if perhaps one get married then the discontent will vanish. This I don’t believe is true at all. Marriage is like having your own personal torture chamber in the shape of a bedroom. Women use sex to punish and control not to please and satisfy. So never get married – it solves nothing. Its only consequence is a slow and painful spiritual death.

    The trouble is how can any young man know this? By the time he finds out it is too late.

    All I can say to any who read this is to stand testament to the fact that although I have made many mistakes in life the only one I will die raging against is the marriage I fell into nearly thirty years ago. And for me death will be a blessed relief.

  2. 2 Keith F
    February 17, 2006 at 2:04 am

    This is what I have been searching for on the web for nearly a year; namely some solid “how to” advice for staying celibate and a clear articulation of many of my own reasons for wanting to do so.

    Major kudos to this brother!

  3. 3 bhaskar
    March 8, 2009 at 3:45 am

    Well done!

  4. 4 Hoss Monkey
    June 19, 2009 at 4:44 am

    I agree with pretty well everything and it gives me more understanding of the concept of both sexes true roles and the current state of male/female interrelations.

  5. 5 Firas
    June 1, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Good Article. May I ask how you were able to create this deep analysis while being attacked by your sexual drive at the same time ?

  6. 6 Shambhu
    September 28, 2012 at 2:56 am

    Excellent article. Well thought through, and well written.

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    April 5, 2014 at 1:02 am

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