Controlling Lust: A Declaration of Sexual Independence from Women (part 1)

[This is the first installment of a four-part series on how men can avoid being slaves to female sexuality.]

There was a time when women were thought to be the ones who needed protection from sexual predators. In many instances, this idea is still used to punish innocent men for their natural sexual inclinations, yet ironically, a striking change in sexual relations has developed. Men are now realizing that they are the ones who have to arm themselves against the sexuality of the opposite sex. Why? Because female sexuality has been turned into a weapon against men.

Why Control Lust?

If you believe the current situation regarding how women treat men is agreeable, the following discussion on controlling lust will be of no use to you. You will instead need an education on the blatant misandry that is so prevalent in contemporary society. I am certain that in this sex-saturated society, many men would question why they should control their sexual desires. After all, isn’t sexual desire a good thing? Aren’t men programmed with a sex drive? Who doesn’t want to have sex with women?

The answer is simple. Our refusal as men to control our sex drive is costing us personally and collectively. Our strong desires for physical and emotional intimacy makes us vulnerable to manipulation by people who don’t often have our best interests at heart. Do not think that I am just talking about some bad woman luring away a man from his happy family. No, I am talking about the entire social structure of contemporary Western civilization. The Sex Industry, the Marriage Industry, the Divorce Industry, the Domestic Violence Industry, the Sexual Harassment Litigation Industry, and indeed Madison Avenue could not function except for the fact that a horny male and his money are soon parted. I suspect that most instances of wealth transfer from men to women are based upon this truth.

Men are being exploited by commercialism, the religious establishment, the workplace, academia, government, etc. because they have been programmed to believe that their lives revolve around getting their rations of intimacy from women. Men do not need intimacy from women in order to be happy, but society suppresses this truth. It suppresses this truth because it needs men to slave away for something that is overvalued: a woman’s affection. “Sex sells” because men don’t question the quality of the product.

When society approaches the matter of chastity, it always looks at the matter from the supply side. In other words, it’s about limiting the access to women, whether the access is in person or virtually. Government passes all sorts of draconian laws to control what men do sexually. The religious establishment condemns pre-marital sex, prostitution, pornography, and sometimes even masturbation, while urging men to nonetheless get married as a rite of passage into adulthood. Contemporary women demand compliance to a laundry list of ridiculous, unrealistic, self-serving criteria before men may receive attention. In essence, the supply-side approach to chastity creates an artificial scarcity and drives up the costs men bear in their lives for what they desire.

The Demand Side

I approach the matter of chastity from a different angle: the demand side. A man should ask just why would he want to have sex with a woman in the first place. What have women done for him, besides look pretty and bother to talk to him? Just why would he want to live with a woman for the rest of his life simply because she has decided to have children by him? What else is a woman going to do for him besides take his money and time? Is the temporary euphoria of sex and romance really worth the long-term price he is going to have to pay? Believe me, he will have to pay a steep price whether the sex is socially sanctioned or not.

Some men think they can avoid the dangers of sexual liaisons in today’s society by resorting to pornography. But such is not particularly helpful because it still holds men captive to the power of female sexuality. They are paying a price for their desire in terms of time and money, and yet they merely receive the sizzle without the steak. In the wake of pornography, men are still left salivating for the real thing.

It is time for men to stop being so desperate for something they can live quite contentedly without. When dealing with a woman, it is best to trump the Sex Card she may be prone to play with you. Who cares if she is drop dead gorgeous, has a PhD, shares your hobbies, and is talking to you? Women of generations past actually contributed something useful to the physical survival of their husbands and their family unit. How does the apple of your eye measure up in that regard, considering her looks will fade and her agreeable personality may change?

When a man stops worrying about whether or not he will be lucky in love, something happens. He becomes at peace with himself. Things that used to appear to be important are revealed as being trivial. The man becomes self-confident in his dealings with the opposite sex because he no longer feels there are any high stakes involved. He no longer sees himself as a loser because he is no longer playing a game rigged against him. He can engage life on his own terms and not compromise his core values and goals. He defines his own manhood instead of succumbing to the winds of fashion. He can get through the day with his health, sanity, and bank account still intact. What kind of man would not want these things?

In short, what I propose is not castration or repression of a man’s desire, but that a man master his feelings. He should be able to turn on or off his own sex drive as he pleases. He should never feel that he is at the mercy of his own biology. Contrary to popular opinion, a man is not doomed to go stir crazy from practicing abstinence. He should realize that he has genuine choices about how he reacts when confronted with female sexuality. Let women prove their merit to the man for a change. Let his sex drive serve him, not the other way around.

[Click on the link for part 2, part 3, or part 4 to read the rest of this series.]

The Religious Right Is No Ally of Men

To men everywhere, the following thoughts were put to pen some time ago, but they are still applicable today:

You might think this strange coming from a Christian, but I have come to the conclusion that much of what passes as Conservative Christianity in this country is nothing but a false, materialistic gospel that serves the purposes of right-wing shills. True Christianity is the friend of no ideologue because its sacred core is simply not for sale.

I’m simply tired of the Religious/Political Right pretending to be my friend. Right-wingers railing against feminism is like the Nazis railing against Communism. That fact is that they are just as totalitarian as the feminists. Both camps would like to define for the rest of us what our manhood should be.

Let me point a few things out …

1. Right-wingers side with popular culture when they proclaim that men need women. One of their favorite arguments is that God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Actually, the verse in the original language says, “It is not good for THE man (Adam specifically) to be alone.” The Bible does not teach that all men need women in order to be “complete” as some think. Otherwise, the Apostle Paul would have never talked about the advantages of being single. The fact of the matter is that most of our misery has come from a flawed belief that we can’t have a life apart from women. We need to stop chasing women’s bodies. Bible-thumping Evangelists who proclaim that men ought to get married and “settle down” are aiding and abetting the enemy.

2. Right-wingers side with materialistic women when they talk about the “breadwinner.” There is not a single verse in the Bible that says a man must be the sole or even primary source of monetary income for his family. Fundamentalists will quote the passage that says, “If anyone provideth not for his own” and apply that verse solely to men, but in the original language and context the passage is generic (It applies to women as well as men.). Jesus said, “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:14) but you’ll never hear the respectable pew-warmers who put on their Sunday best preach a sermon on that. No, there is an insinuation that if you are a man and haven’t (1) married a Barbie with a Bible; (2) made over 70k; (3) bought a house in the Burbs; (4) bought a SUV; and (5) have 3+ kids, then you haven’t arrived spiritually. Believe you me, this pseudo-gospel suits the primped, gold-digging Southern Belles, but it won’t suit you if you have a shred of self-awareness and integrity.

When you combine #1 and #2, you have a hopeless, elitist little game. Only the chosen few are allowed to be validated as human beings and as men. The rest of us are meant to be asexual losers, the objects of faux pity at best and scorn at worst. The instances of single men being treated like freak specimens of humanity in church communities is legion. There have been some real quacks who have hinted in so many words that if you don’t marry and settle down, you are not a real man. But alas, you’re expected to make enough dough to support the American Dream of your beautiful wife. This, even though these same right-wingers support social and political policies that hasten the erosion of the middle class. So in the end, we are expected to believe that God only allows the rich and beautiful to be “real men.”

What about porn? Prostitution? Personally I don’t condone these things, but consider WHY many religionists sound as dogmatic and rabid as the feminists about these matters. I think the answer simple. When you consider their other statements about manhood, you see that it all boils down to a debate about which special interest group is going to control the men in this society. For whoever controls men has power, and the primary way to do that is via men’s strong desire for physical and emotional intimacy. How else could the feminists and right-wing religionists make us jump through their self-serving hoops? They surely don’t want the Sex Industry cutting into their attempts to create an artificial scarcity of something that’s really overrated anyway. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of the Sex Industry, the Religious Right, and Feministic women dangling their carrots of false promises of love and intimacy. They always leave you empty-handed.

Now you see why I am furious at the leaders of the Religious Right. They are not my friends. They are my enemies and the enemies of the “little guy” everywhere. They cozy up to power and affluence and would oppress others. They are not servants of Christ. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing. They are false teachers. If you are religious, you should mark these people for what they are.

The rest of you may not profess Evangelical Christianity, but this affects you as well. Just like me, you have been pinned between two battering rams of thought in this society. Two sides of the same totalitarian coin. Right-wingers and liberals. They are both a sham. It’s time for men to stand up for ourselves and carve out our own destiny